On a daily basis we are faced with dilemmas, decisions, thoughts of yesterday and thoughts of tomorrow. We live in a world torn apart by greed, vanity, carelessness and ignorance. Yet we as a race are brave and often strong! We wake every day knowing that it is likely to be another ‘groundhog’ day! And if you hated yesterday you can be certain that you will hate today unless of course you make a change, but then can anyone truly guarantee that a change will give your life any greater meaning?
So who am I talking about here? That’s right, it’s all about me! I have lived a tormented life my entire life. Does anyone know that? Only one person; my extraordinary husband. My friends and my family can only think that my silence and lack of contact is an expression of my utter lack of care and personal self-absorption and as my late sister once said, ‘self-gratification’. But the truth is so far removed from that. I am a selfless, compassionate, caring person; a vegetarian bordering on vegan. I love boundlessly and endlessly. My heart and soul breaks and falls apart when I see other souls and worlds in trouble. I am physically sick when I see the cruelty inflicted on our animal kingdom; defenceless, sweet, kind and gentle. I was born with a smile and as every day passes my smile has reverted to a frown; my ambition has turned to despair; my belief and assurances into doubt; my trust has turned into fear; and my mind and body has weakened, absorbing every pain and unable to fight!
So, I hated yesterday, but I will not hate today! I will write if that is what I love. I will speak with my boys who are far away from me. I will be selfish and keep to myself; I will be selfish and not share my pain with my friends and family. There are times when being greedy and hogging your pain is the right thing to do. Today, this is my pain that only I understand, but I will share this truth with you, we all suffer and often feel lost. We all portray a different face to the world; we are not what we are, so love your estranged friend or family member and understand their silence!
This is drama and so be it.